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Alin Marin Elena's

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By: Alin Marin | March 31, 2012

by H. A. C. Evans

Kipling's "If" rewritten to conform with the spirit of the times

If you can't trim your sails to suit the weather,
If you can't take your chance to pass the buck,
If you can't offer cardboard goods as leather
And then persuade the mugs to buy the muck;
If you can't work a profitable fiddle
Or cheat the Customs when you've been abroad,
If you can't wangle your returns, and diddle
The Income Tax, yet not be charged with fraud;

If you can't learn the craft of social climbing
And damn the eyes of those who're underneath;
If you can't kid your friend you're not two-timing,
Then, when it suits you, kick him in the teeth;
If you can't run a car on public money,
Or have your lunch each day at the Savoy,
You're going to find that life's not at all funny,
For, take my tip, you'll miss the bus, old boy.


from The Faber Book of Parodies, edited by Simon Brett at faber and faber in 1984

Category: daily 

Tags: if not 

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